don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
