Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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