and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
