never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
