??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
