I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You left your phone here
Wait...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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