I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
