is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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