please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
