can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
