Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Damn victory sex feels great
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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