I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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