Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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