I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
