We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
