So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
