So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've blown a few things in my day
even my farts smell like vagina
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
