Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
