Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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