my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
