need another drink. this is the easiest way
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
