There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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