Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
