On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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