we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
