I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
