Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
