Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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