We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
