When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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