Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
someone owes me an orgasm
Best friends brother. Beat that.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
