you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
