Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
