you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
