could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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