I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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