When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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