So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
