Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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