Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
