Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
