I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
