I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
