Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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