He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can't put those talents on a resume
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
