I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Those nachos came to me in a dream
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
