I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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