Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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