so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
