is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
did i just pee glitter
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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