Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
