Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
