i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
