When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
